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| The silly Smiles of a few kids who don't abide by the box |
speak "Christianese", DON'T wear make-up and heels, dramatically ask people how they FEEL with super intense eyes - even when you don't know them, DON'T go to clubs, DON'T like weird stuff, DON'T go where sinners go, DON'T speak up when something bothers you, FIT in, LOSE your voice, DON'T enjoy people - just try to change them into perfect little believers. Sigh.
Everyday I come to understand more and more how
one guy could change the entire course of mankind just by loving all people as
they are. How not judging people could
change everything. How seeing
prostitutes and priests all the same would turn the universe upside down. How Jesus set people free by loving them and
how Christians often do the opposite.
Not making the Mark
"I fear my Christian friends will judge my non-Christian friends, so I feel I have to celebrate my birthday separately with each group", "I feel judged because I pray very simply", "I feel judged because I love non-Christian bands", "I feel like I can only talk about emotional and spiritual issues with my church friends, like the rest of me doesn't matter", "I feel judged because I like to wear make-up and heels", "I feel I should always be sorted-out to go to church", "I feel like I'll be judged if I tell them I don't understand stuff", "I feel I can't say when I disagree with stuff at the church", "I feel judged because I don't speak Christianese, both in and outside of church".
The man-made Clique
Where do these expectations come from that we feel we don't match up to? From God? No sirree! Lately the word "Christian" is used to tag a little box bordered by man-made rules. The perfect believer box. If you want to get into this box, which somehow always seems two sizes to small, you are expected to always and only use words like "blessed", "grace", "have faith", "heart" etc; to dress blandly; not to go to clubs; not to drink alcohol (even if you are legally old enough to do so); only listen to Christian music; not to have non-Christian friends, etc...
Do you feel like you always fall short of fitting into the box? Well, that's the wrong question to ask. Do you know what it means to be a real Christian? Many people believe that the "rules" stipulated by this “Christian” clique show you how to be the perfect Christian, where in fact, the set of rules which applies to God's idea of perfect, can be summed up with one word: love. You've probably heard the Bible verse about what the first two most important commandments are: love God with all you are - all of your heart, mind and soul and love others just like you love yourself, right? (Matthew 22:36-40) Well, Christ said that.
It's a Killing Clique
When you try to fit into the "perfect Christian" man-made box (as if man could MAKE faith), you keep thinking about what's right and what's wrong. You keep thinking about the stuff you need to do so much, that eventually you can't stop thinking about what others should and shouldn’t be doing. You know what that amounts to? Judging.
This clique makes people feel judged, worthless and guilty, because they just can't match up to the never-ending set of rules that define this very small box. We're not meant to. We're meant to love and be loved by God. Like Christ. That's what it means to be called a Christian. Christians who are never told this, either keep on trying to fit into the "perfect Christian" box until they become cold religious-rule-abiding Pharisees (who eventually killed Jesus), or they dismiss Christianity altogether, because they instinctively feel something's not right with being so judged and forced into a man-made box, and they would not be wrong.
God's box
Love wouldn't build a little prototype Christian who only functions among other Christians. Love isn't a system of do's and don'ts. It's not a dress code, a music style, or a box with walls made out of rules. It's something so big and beautiful that "it's not arrogant", that it "doesn't insist on its own way", that it's "not irritable or resentful", that it "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" and that it "never ends" (in Corinthians 13).
Jesus loved unrestrictedly and unconditionally. None of the other 10 commandments will ever be cancelled (says Jesus in Matthew 5:18-19), but if you love sincerely, it’s quite naturally to listen to them (Galatians 5:14). All you have to do love completely. Soooo simple. That's it. How come you're forgiven from all your sins? How come you get to see God's awesomeness, in this life and the next? How come God loves you always? Because that's just who God is. Because Jesus loved you just as you were before you met him, and that was, is and will always be, much more than enough. Not because you don't smoke, don’t wear heels or don't like to dance. David danced. God called him a man after his own heart, because David lovvvvvved God. He danced to show it!
Not making the Mark
"I fear my Christian friends will judge my non-Christian friends, so I feel I have to celebrate my birthday separately with each group", "I feel judged because I pray very simply", "I feel judged because I love non-Christian bands", "I feel like I can only talk about emotional and spiritual issues with my church friends, like the rest of me doesn't matter", "I feel judged because I like to wear make-up and heels", "I feel I should always be sorted-out to go to church", "I feel like I'll be judged if I tell them I don't understand stuff", "I feel I can't say when I disagree with stuff at the church", "I feel judged because I don't speak Christianese, both in and outside of church".
The man-made Clique
Where do these expectations come from that we feel we don't match up to? From God? No sirree! Lately the word "Christian" is used to tag a little box bordered by man-made rules. The perfect believer box. If you want to get into this box, which somehow always seems two sizes to small, you are expected to always and only use words like "blessed", "grace", "have faith", "heart" etc; to dress blandly; not to go to clubs; not to drink alcohol (even if you are legally old enough to do so); only listen to Christian music; not to have non-Christian friends, etc...
Do you feel like you always fall short of fitting into the box? Well, that's the wrong question to ask. Do you know what it means to be a real Christian? Many people believe that the "rules" stipulated by this “Christian” clique show you how to be the perfect Christian, where in fact, the set of rules which applies to God's idea of perfect, can be summed up with one word: love. You've probably heard the Bible verse about what the first two most important commandments are: love God with all you are - all of your heart, mind and soul and love others just like you love yourself, right? (Matthew 22:36-40) Well, Christ said that.
It's a Killing Clique
When you try to fit into the "perfect Christian" man-made box (as if man could MAKE faith), you keep thinking about what's right and what's wrong. You keep thinking about the stuff you need to do so much, that eventually you can't stop thinking about what others should and shouldn’t be doing. You know what that amounts to? Judging.
This clique makes people feel judged, worthless and guilty, because they just can't match up to the never-ending set of rules that define this very small box. We're not meant to. We're meant to love and be loved by God. Like Christ. That's what it means to be called a Christian. Christians who are never told this, either keep on trying to fit into the "perfect Christian" box until they become cold religious-rule-abiding Pharisees (who eventually killed Jesus), or they dismiss Christianity altogether, because they instinctively feel something's not right with being so judged and forced into a man-made box, and they would not be wrong.
God's box
Love wouldn't build a little prototype Christian who only functions among other Christians. Love isn't a system of do's and don'ts. It's not a dress code, a music style, or a box with walls made out of rules. It's something so big and beautiful that "it's not arrogant", that it "doesn't insist on its own way", that it's "not irritable or resentful", that it "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" and that it "never ends" (in Corinthians 13).
Jesus loved unrestrictedly and unconditionally. None of the other 10 commandments will ever be cancelled (says Jesus in Matthew 5:18-19), but if you love sincerely, it’s quite naturally to listen to them (Galatians 5:14). All you have to do love completely. Soooo simple. That's it. How come you're forgiven from all your sins? How come you get to see God's awesomeness, in this life and the next? How come God loves you always? Because that's just who God is. Because Jesus loved you just as you were before you met him, and that was, is and will always be, much more than enough. Not because you don't smoke, don’t wear heels or don't like to dance. David danced. God called him a man after his own heart, because David lovvvvvved God. He danced to show it!
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| Photo by Nadia Jansen van Vuuren (checkout her awesome photography blog at http://www.shootcase.blogspot.com) |
How you feel when you Stay in the Clique
It seems like people in the "Perfect Christian clique" never make huge mistakes and never feel far from God. It's probably the most lonely and tiring clique to belong to. I've been there. Sure, it's nice to pat yourself on the back cos you're doing everything holy and you feel like you're a good servant to God, but in truth you're just tired of trying so hard all the time, of never being able to show your faults or truly ask for help. You can't show when you're down in the rut, or angry, or confused - cos everybody expects you to be perfect! To be the example.
The feelings of guilt and a false sense of supremacy are horrible parts of the clicque too. You feel guilty about the littlest things you do wrong and you worry so much about how your faults will reflect badly on God - cos you believe people associate God with you.
About the false sense of supremacy: you know God loves everyone, but you can't help feeling that you reeeally follow Him better. You try reeeallly hard to please Him, because you do. Then you swallow that prideful feeling and try to humble yourself by producing insincere over-emotional empathy and thankfulness for others. Yet often you wonder... "Why do I try so hard, but sometimes feel so completely alone and empty deep within me"? But then you just shrug the feeling and try harder. Because you think that's what good Christians do.
Time to let go and start loving. People really need more of your (His) love and
less of your "perfect". Sincere love for God and people will always
keep you on God's path!
It breaks my heart to see so many people pushed away from Jesus because of so much miss-directed self-righteousness. Truth is that we all sin and fall short of God's glory, some sins are just so much more obvious than others. In Jesus' day He was called a drunkard and a glutton by the Pharisees. How many of us would have crucified Jesus along with them? In the end Jesus was in the business of people so I think we should be too. What good is your light if you never shine it?
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