The ONLY way to bust insecurity and the loneliness that accompanies it: a girl's guide

"I really don't know if someone will love me for who I am," remarks my friend. "I'm not saying that this counts for all people - other people will find someone special, but I'm not so sure about me."

"Don't you think all girls feel this way before they meet someone who does?"

A message to all our insecurity chips
and the a-hole who put it there.

Yup. Most of us do. It's like some evil villain put a chip of insecurity into all the newborn babies at the hospital, when the nurses weren't looking (or perhaps it was a evil nurse).

DISCLAIMER: This is not a piece of All-girls-need-and-want-a-man propaganda. All girls definitely don't want to get married and no girl NEEDS a man. 

Now that we're clear, let's get to the very murky subject of dumb emotions.

Why do we feel like we need someone to validate all that we admire in our selves? Whoever gave us the idea that it needed proving? 

And why oh why do we always think we're the only one's that hit constant deep self-doubting lows?

Loneliness is so illogical. EVERY girl you have ever met (and every one you haven't) 

feel like insecure at times. A gazillion times. The ONLY way to beat the loneliness is to admit that you feel insecure and that all those around you do too and that it's the chips fault, not yours. 

FACT: We were made the way we are for a reason. Just because others don't approve of it, takes nothing away from that fact. 

The ONLY way to beat the insecurity is to just accept the fact that you're perfect. Yup, you read me right. 

You are perfect and you better believe it OR you will light up that insecurity chip of yours all day long just to feel crap, because some baddy out there really likes it that you don't like yourself.

6 Insanely decent reasons to like yourself

1. Your SOUL mate (if you even want one) will know exactly what he's looking for: you. If you change yourself you'll mess with the whole chemistry of you two. Don't. 

2. You were put on this earth to do some insane stuff. Hating yourself is the most effective way to stop yourself from doing these incredible things. Cook up a decent meal of patience, liking yourself and peace for every day and you're set for all the success in your life. 

3. A-holes are abundant. You better like yourself or you're just melt like a marshmallow when you get too close to hot a-holes. And nobody likes a mushy mess of a girl who doesn't believe in herself. Not even you. 

3. Feeling shitty about yourself is just shitty. It adds nothing to your life. It will eventually subtract everything. 

4. If you like yourself you'll have the backbone to accept and use constructive criticism. You'll get the fact that you don't ever have to change who you are, regardless if you change the way you do certain things or if you try out new things. There's a difference between what you do or don't do, what you believe and who you were made to be. The latter should NEVER change. 

5. People are all just quilts of pain, loss and insecurities. Sometimes they can't appreciate people even if their beauty flashes through them like party lights up in da club - they're usually too busy worrying about their own insecurities. So don't you dare be one of those conceited people. So stop not liking who you are, like 5 min ago.

6. You are perfect silly.

Love this pic (by David Hayward). I like Jesus, because he's different than people say. He likes us just AS we are. Fullstop. 

Interview met Bouwer Bosch van Straatligkinders

Die video kom nog, wees net rustig kinders ... straatligkinders (get that?). 

Making up for being ugly

Iske Conradie does not care. She has not been on a diet in eight years. She has never followed the advice of a Youtube makeup tutorial. She rarely does her nails. Sometime she even air-dries her hair and uses normal soap for her face. Iske decided to spend a day being fanatical about her appearance, just to experience having every care in the world.

Eight years ago I wilfully decided never to let socks or thigh measurements dictate my mind ever again.

I despise worrying about my appearance and I have one reason not to thank for it - the death of my father.

I had just recently returned to school after he had passed away. One day I walked past a few high school girls contemplating how high they should pull up their school sock, to appear cool.

In that moment I could recall how I had also worried about my socks before; I had also believed socks could affect the course of my life. Now that I was familiar with an event that really distorted life, the thought of fretting such trivial things made me nauseous.

Society is delusional

I was disgusted that I had wasted so much worry on diets, beauty tips, fashion, trying to improve myself and envying others. I thought of nearly every girl in school, me included, that had tried throwing up after meals just to lose weight. The destructive anxieties that ruled our minds were petty and so irrelevant to being happy.

Ever since that day I decided to trust that I was perfect regardless of the image society set as cool or attractive; society was clearly delusional.

Eight years have past since then and I've met very few people that feel the same callousness to "must-have" beauty products and "must-do" diets as I do.

I can barely recall the terror of failing a 10-day diet plan and I don't know what I should and shouldn't be wearing to look skinnier.

So today I'm going to immerse myself in the minds of the majority - who don't think like I do. For one day I'm aiming for "hair with volume", unnatural "natural makeup", "glowing skin" and the "I need to lose weight"-mantra.

Morning ugly

I wake-up at 5:00am hideous; I'm lacking all of the above.

Shower-time. I use a face wash. Rinse. Facial scrub. Rinse. Body wash. Rinse. Body scrub. Rinse. Rinse again to get those pesky little body scrub granules off. Shave cream. Shave. Rinse. I wash my hair. Rinse. I condition my hair and wait three minutes before I rinse for the final rinse.

Thirty-five minutes later and I've finished half the town's water supply. At least I'm eight times fresher than my fellow citizens.

I youtube some advice from self-proclaimed hair and make-up experts.

Vlogger, Kirsten Mee, tells me how to Blow-Dry Hair Straight (with Volume!).

I part my hair in three. I part the three parts in two more parts. I clip all these parts to my head. Then I untie them one by one to comb and blow-dry every piece individually with my hair dryer.

I torch each section's roots to frighten them. That'll make them stand up for some "gorgeous volume".

Next step is straightening all these sections with a straightening iron. Twenty-five minutes later and I think I just ironed out my (with Volume!).

RhaeaEstelle's Youtube video illustrates how I should apply my second face. I prep my real face with moisturiser. I dab two fingers in liquid foundation and slap it all over my tarnished skin. In a downward motion I spread the foundation evenly. She makes me paint my nose with a brush.

Youtube-channel MakeupByAlli shows me how to make one eye pretty in eight minutes. It takes sixteen minutes to draw around my eyes.

My diet breakfast is hot water with a spoon of lemon juice (a great way to get your metabolism working), two baked apples and a spoon of muesli.

I can't drink water from the tap, because it washes off my second face.

By the time I put on a cute dress, kitten heels and understated jewellery more than an eighth of my day is spent.

A walking doll

I put my earphones in and tip tap to class in my heels. Along the way I have to stop myself from playing air drums or miming the words to my favourite songs - I'm suppose to care what people think now. I hate this.

The girls I pass, with plastered faces just like me, smile at me charmingly.  The ones who dress like I usually do don't even look at me.

I never looked plastic girls in the eyes either. I always wanted them to notice me not caring what they look like. As a doll-face for the day, I feel affronted. They're so rude. I'm so rude.

When I pass men on the street I can't help avoid looking at them. I don't want to see them judge me for looking like I'm begging for male attention.

My hair sticks to my lip-gloss.

I'm just in time for my class. My feet ache.

Striking a pose

A classmate, Annzra Naidoo, walks up the hall just as I enter my class building. "Your shoes, your ..." gesturing towards my jacket, "I just love your whole outfit, it's so cute!" she exclaims.

I tell myself it's my impeccable taste in retro-looking clothing and not the doll-face that earned the compliment.   

Class starts. It's quite daunting. I feel like the lecturer won't take me seriously - I look like a sixties Barbie-doll.

I merely reapply my lip-gloss to stay in character. I have to stay focussed on my experiment.

Why do people wear lip-gloss? It rubs off every thirty minutes. You can't even kiss with lip-gloss. I guess if your kisser puts up with it, he wants to stick with you. I chuckle. 

I'm funny; I don't need all this makeup.  

I avoid getting up too much; I don't want to narcissistically "strut my stuff" as these heels mechanically make me do. 

For lunch it's four Provitas with cream cheese and tuna. I ate the remaining dry tuna in the tin and choked a bit. Dieting is so stupid.

Getting it right

Everything itches: my stockings, my hair and my face. Most of my foundation is rubbed, lunched and lived off by the end of the day.

After class I reapply makeup for hockey and then during the game I get sloshed with mud in the face. I quite happily announce: "This just proves that all this dress-up and makeup is useless."

Then I realise, the most ugly thing about me is not my excess makeup or my normal lack thereof - it's the way I worry about both, like it's something that could affect the course of my life. It's not.

Meeting the very ordinary Matthew Mole

"Is it okay if I go now?" asks Matthew. We barely started our interview, but the sound crew is already rounding him up him to get on to the stage. 

"Of course!" I say. Why is Matthew asking my permission?

Mat's latest album, The Home we Built, charted number one internationally on iTunes the day of its release and Matthew and Jeremy Loops are the stars of tonight's show. 

A whole crowd is awaiting his appearance, still he apologises to me, the media-girl he just met, because he has to "inconvenience" me do his job. 

Mat returns backstage after hugging and smiling for pictures with queues of fans. 

"Exhausted from smiling so much," he says wiggling his mouth.

oments later, he flops down in a seat next to me and asks me if I want to continue the interview. I just want to give him a breather, but he apologises again for interrupting the interview earlier. Okay then. Here we go:

On an average how many hugs do you get after a show?

Mat: Haha, did you just add that question in?! I don't actually know. Not many usually, but it looks like a lot because of tonight. Maybe Stellenbosch people like to hug a lot. Which is good, because it's cold tonight.

How did you get into making music?

Mat: My dad would always play guitar and I always thought that was pretty cool, so I asked him to teach me. He actually bought me my first guitar and taught me a few chords and songs and that got me started. I started playing piano and teaching myself the basic stuff a few years later.

How do you write your music?

Mat: First I strum a few chords on the guitar and come up with rhythms. Usually in my bedroom or somewhere I'm on my own. I record those on my laptop or wherever and add in few other things, like instrument ideas. Like the percussive thing or organ or something electronic and then I come up with melodies I can sing. Before I come up with the music, I come up with a theme for what's the song about. Then depending on how happy or how sad the song sounds I write and add in the lyrics.

"Kill them!" shouts Mat, watching me squat a row of ants nipping at my ankles.  "Arrgg, these ants, hey! Should we move so they won't bite you?" I say him I'm fine.

"Hopefully that doesn't sound like part of my musical process - 'Kill them', haha" , grins Matthew. 

How does your faith and your music come together?

Mat: It's linked kind of directly. Like my faith is just my life. Like Jesus is just kind of the center of my life. I write songs about what speaks to me in life and it's always going to be based on Jesus and stuff that I've learnt in my walk with God. Even though there might be a few songs about girls I try and add God in somehow, because He's my life, so He's got to be part of my songs.

What do you do when life gets you down?

Mat: It sounds like a typical songwriter thing  to say, but if you're feeling down it just helps to write and use that, not to write negative or depressing songs, but to kind of deal with it somehow. It's a way to make it a bit easier, kind of. I just like the idea of that. I try not to listen to music or be around people that are going to make me feel down. I try and surround myself with people that are going to uplift me. So I don't often find myself feeling down.

Throughout the interview every time my hand moves down to slap away a few ant-offenders, Matthew pauses to ask me if I'm all right.

What's the silliest thing you ever got yourself into?

Mat: I almost went to jail. 

We were walking around in my neighborhood in Sun Valley in Cape Town at night. We were walking home from someone’s house to my house and one guy rolled a wheelie bin on the side of the road. Long story short, someone thought we where stealing stuff and they called the neighborhood watch. When the neighborhood watch came to us we thought someone was trying to kidnap us. So we started running and then we spilt up. Later I got a call from this guy saying "Ja, I'm actually in jail 'cos the cops caught me". So I had to go and get this guy out. We went to court the next day. There wasn't a case, because we didn't do anything wrong. So we were fine after that. It was all just so stupid.

How would you describe the essence of your relationship with God?

Mat: The one thing that stands out in my relationship with God is just grace. Just kind of the way I do what I love to do and I'm the worst person. Well, I'm not the worst person, but everyone towards God - their lives aren't the best. It's just so cool that He's blessed me with the life that I have.

After every question, deep or trivial, he asks me if his answers make sense. It feels as though he is focused intently on helping me get the answers I want to write my story. It feels like he genuinely considers my job equal to his, my journey equal to his. Not something you expect from such a great upcoming celeb.

Is there a specific time in your life that you came to know grace?

Mat: I guess because I've been raised in a Christian family it's always been part of my life. I've just been learning about it my whole life. There's been a bunch of moments in my life that it's been evident, like when things have happened that I didn't really deserve at all. Like with music and relationships and stuff where God has just been there the whole time.

I picked up the theme of pride in your song We, in You, confide - is it about pride?

Mat: Pretty much. Most of the songs are troubling through that, because my parents and a lot of people have tough me about humility and being humble which is kind of cool when you meet someone. And I want to try and be like that. I think it's an important thing to have - a cool quality.

After being around Mat for about an hour, I can most certainly yup, Mat you're kind of cool when I met you. You get it right not because you completely disregards your famousness - but rather because you puts others at ease being yourself. You have nothing to prove and you seem to genuinely cares about other peeps - like you would care for yourself. And not in a creepy I-want-something-in-return way (be it approval or me writing a good article on him), but in a one-person-to-another way. You're cool Mat. 

Isn't pride a huge issue when you become famous?

Mat: Ja, it's hectic. You see so much of that happening to people. If something happens too fast and can go to the head, but there's a lot of people in the industry that are really cool. People to look up to in being humble. I meet a lot of people and realise they're just such good people and it hasn't gone to their heads at all and they're so successful. When I meet people like that it's just motivation to be more like that.

I make him show me his tattoos and then end off the interview with a thank-you. "You sure you've got everything you need?" he asks and after I nod enough times he believes me and thanks me genuinely. Mat's being doing that all night - boomeranging thank-you's and compliments right back at the senders.

The most striking thing about meeting up with Matthew Mole is how normal he is. You get the sense that he is just an ordinary guy that enjoys goofy jokes, gets irritated and shy and exhilarated. That has tons of fun, but makes tons of mistakes and apologizes for them just like anyone else. That he longs for God and really can't do without Him. He seems to rely on humility and the grace of God to become a better man, rather than doing so by his own success.

What a relief. Not because a famous dude seems imperfect too, but because he reminds you that it's okay. God's grace frees you to be your ordinary self and His grace give all extraordinary things you need.

MAT'S TATS

Airplane: for traveling (related to Mat 28 verse 16)

Cross: for God

Heart: on his marriage finger for his wife and to symbolise his love for Jesus

Elephants: Elephants mean nothing to me; I just thought it be a cool thing to do, since I've been to Thailand.

The word Free: Everyone is like: 'ah was that tattoo for free' which is pretty lame. It just freedom from God. Once I realised how much of an impact God had in my life, I realised how much freedom I have in life. Freedom from death.

Do you find God gives you freedom in your life?

Ja, caring about the world - not in an emo way. Ja, ja big time. To live the life I need to live rather than doing whatever I want, for myself. 

MAT'S FAVS

Band: Sleeping at Last (at the moment)

Food: Fried rice with chicken

Person: 

< Joey Tribbiani (a character in the TV series, Friends)

MAT ACCORDING TO A BUDDY (thanks Daniella Potgieter!)

He is the most humble human being on the planet probably. I know this Scripture in Philippians that talks about of guarding your heart and mind in Jesus Christ and that pretty much sums up Matthew, despite the fame and everything he finds himself in he's really taking such care and such effort into guarding his heart. 

Someone was saying once, which just really stuck with me, like how Mat doesn't even have to open his mouth for you to see, you don't have to hear the words he's playing for you for you to be able to see when he's standing on stage that there's just something different about him. You can really just tell there's the Spirit of God that exists in him. That's just the perfect summary of who he is.

He's been the same Matthew that I met before he was very big to the Matthew that he is today.

"The Matthew you see on stage is definitely the Matthew off-stage. I've never seen anything else."

He's goofy and he's awkward sometimes, but he's really chilled and really cool.

How is Mat's relationship with God?

His relationship with God is really awesome and really solid, because it's just something he carries with him part of who he is. He doesn't have to go around and declare like "I'm a Christian" to make people change their mindsets of him, like it's just the way he is. He's not someone that will sit you down and be like "Ok let's talk about God". It's something that will come up if it comes up and then it will be Spirit-guided.

Music is such a big part of his life, but God is the center and music is just what he's been using to glorify God's name. That maybe not even be his main intention, but it just comes from his heart, because that is Mat's heart.

What is the silliest Mat's done?

Mat likes to tune people allot. He tunes me allot. So he likes to put you in weird positions sometimes. This one time we were in a restaurant and he thought it would be funny to put my name, the most random hashtags and my number on a serviette and give it to the waiter.

Today we went for lunch and the waiter came up saying "Oh my word, I didn't know you were famous. And then I just joked saying "Ja, I'm also famous". And then Mat was like "You know Taylor Swift, right?". 

The waiter was like "no, I don't know Taylor Swift and Mat said, "Well this is Taylor Swift, so you can tell people you met Taylor Swift".

We're all fudge-ups. Why believe in God?

I dream of all these amazing things, but they never realize, because people suck. And I'm a 'people'. So basically there's no hope other than God. He says He'll help me despite me being a people. Despite you being a people. All us peoples being sucky and fudge, God can beat that. And that's the only promise I need - something beautiful. Something I know should be, but does't happen because of people. Yet God loves us all the way into becoming better again. I love you God. And You know it. Thanks for loving me through everything others have done to me and what I've done to myself. 

Autistic Teen explains why You should be proud of being Unique

Surfing Life and other Cheesy Inspiring Things

Surfing is dang hard. Still, it's so mesmerising, I won't stop "surfing" even though I still take the foamies, because I'm afraid of the sharks. 

Hope you see life the same way. Here's some posters just for in case ocean/surf pics inspire you like puppy pics do other people. Ok I some puppy pics are life-inspiringly cute too. 

Damn, blogger just spills all my secrets. 

- Awe-sum mag